Caught in the Middle
"But let me tell you something, Angelo, and hear this real clear because it's terribly important," Dr. Phil tells him. "You may very well have legitimate complaints about how she's been in this marriage. She may have rejected you. She may have focused on the kids, and their school, and her school to your exclusion and expense. She may have been uninterested sexually. She may have not taken care of herself. She may have done a lot of things that you have legitimate complaints about.
"Your reaction to them has been illegitimate. There is a difference. You may have legitimate complaints, but the legitimate way to deal with those is eyeball-to-eyeball with her. To sit down, put those issues on the table, talk about them, create a plan for healing and change. To turn away from your partner, to turn outside the relationship and go sneak around and play house with some actress is an illegitimate reaction to what may have been legitimate complaints."
"If we're going to talk about illegitimate reactions or responses to what was going on, we're both guilty of that," Angelo says. "We're both guilty of that, because we both pulled away, we both put distance between ourselves."
"Yeah, but I've tried to talk to you over and over again," Kathy argues with him. "I've tried to bring up the hard issues."
The couple argues about who tried harder to fix the relationship. Dr. Phil interrupts and asks Kathy what her question is for him.
"The question is: why does he want to stay together?" she asks.
Dr. Phil asks Angelo, "Did I understand you to basically say, â€˜If she gets back to being who I fell in love with, then I'll stay and be happy about it'?"
"It's not just her. It's us. If we can get back to being how we were when we first fell in love and ran off to Vegas and got married, yes, I'd love to stay in this relationship. I'd love to stay married," Angelo says.
"OK, but you realize that can never, ever, even almost, sort of, kind of, possibly, maybe happen as long as you've got somebody else in the picture," Dr. Phil says.
"Absolutely," he says, claiming that his affair is over. When Dr. Phil looks doubtful, he reiterates, "I have. It's done."
"And you could go home, and pick up the phone and be right back where you were, right?" Dr. Phil asks.
"Probably," Angelo says.