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Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Number of Replies: 1324
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Created on : Friday, September 09, 2005, 03:43:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in  disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.

 

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June 2, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Quote From: ctielking

My husband first meet me when I was in my "pretty" stage of my life. Now I have gained all that weight plus some. He keeps telling me he is unattracted to me because of my weight gain. I keep telling him he is not the cutiest man around, with some broken teeth, skiny as a rail, and he hates to shave - which makes him look like a bum. My problem is that when I start getting stressed out I will eat. I have been trying not to, but when your a chocahalic and love spegetti it all goes to the backside and stomach areas. I walk alot more than he believes. When he puts me down, I want my comfort foods. He thinks by cutting me down that will help me to loss weight, it is doing the exact opposite!! I just wish he would stop looking at the skinny women on TV or the streets and compare me to them all the time, just keep quite about it!!!  

   

That's why I'm glad I met someone over the internet, he fell in love with me...not that I was super ugly, but I'm not a knock out, especially now. My husband doesn't get turned on only by the outside.

He literally gets turned on if we have a deep or intellectual discussion.  He's not a "butt man" or a "legs man" or a "breasts man"...he's a "brains man"...

Have you tried reading Dr Phil's weight loss book? It's great, it has real and actual tools for losing weight that work if you really read it and really put it into use.

I'm sorry  you husband is the way he is.  Tell him what you have told us. That is remarks hurt you and it makes those moments of tempation harder and more frequent. That he needs to help you by being a comfort for you so maybe you don't comfort yourself with food as much.  There is a chapter in Dr Phil's book about this too. It has some good advice. The book is only like $8 in paper back at most grocery stores. It's a great tool. He has some invalubale advice and actual things you can do to help yourself and help your husband if he's willing to read it too.

Have you told your husband all you have told us, that it hurts you? That is demeans you? That it makes you wonder why you are even married to him?
 
June 2, 2006, 1:04 pm CDT

How sad

Quote From: annat82

I hope that Debbie realizes that the damage she is doing will last long past her little girl’s childhood. 

  

 

 

  

 

I lived with a Mother that was just like her, my sister who is three years older was the little princess who got the high dollar clothing, her teeth capped, and cheerleading camp and constantly told how beautiful she was.  She now has nothing to do with anybody but other beautiful people and neither do her children.

  

 

 

  

 

My sister who is a year older than I am spent most of the last twenty years on drugs and alcohol trying to get my mothers attention and is now clean and sober.

  

 

 

  

 

I was the "fat child" who was clumsy and an embarrassment, when I got shot as a teenager I was told that ugly things happen to ugly people and to deal with it, (of course never in FRONT of people). 

  

 

 

  

 

I spent most of my adult life trying to find somebody to validate me and made a ton of mistakes with that.  I finally learned through counseling to validate myself and now I am in a healthy, happy relationship but it took twenty-five years and I don't wish that on anybody.

  

 

 

  

 

Debbie, I really don't think you think you are doing anything wrong and if that is the case and if you truly can't handle to look at that beautiful little angel God gave you, then give her to her Dad or to a Grandparent or somebody that can see beyond the exterior to the beauty inside.   

My heart breaks for children like Victoria and yourself when you were growing up.  I cannot think of many things that could be worse that knowing a parent cares less for you because you are not what they think is "pretty".   

  

I hope things are better for you now.  Your worth is in the whole person, not just the outside. 

  

Pray for Victoria and Hunner. 

 
June 2, 2006, 1:41 pm CDT

College education

Quote From: fairydance

I am one of those 'ugly' people, and yes we are treated differently.   Jay is one of the lucky ones.  He got to take off the make-up and things went back to normal for him.   The rest of us don't get to take off the make up and costumes.   Every standard society holds in high regard, I am lacking.  I have no breast's, crooked teeth,  big feet,  a curve in my spine,  and I am not white.  Lets see thats five strikes against me before I even walk out the door.   Why was I even born.  I think its a cruel joke to have to exist in this world.  I've had people bark at me when  out walking with my son, I walk in to stores and don't  waited on.   Most of the time I don't bother fixing myself up because it's like, "whats the point",  It doesn't matter what I think or feel about my self,  because its the rest of the world that says what goes.  Going out in public is extremely painfull.   I hate this world, I hate this life, suicide is constantly on my mind.   I hate my self so much.   I invested in braces for my teeth, but theres nothing I can do for my breasts'.  I don't have the finances for a total make over.   I was told that men need breast.   I lack everything that a women should have.  Some day I will free myself of this pain, someday some how....right now I am just waithing for my boys to grow up, cause I can't leave them now....  so for now its just one painfull day at a time.     

Under your profile,it said you worked at a college that provides a free college education to employees and their families. Now, not just everyone has a job like that!!! Plus you are a sophomore and your 38 yrs. old with a 15? and 13 yr. Old so they will be in college soon and you will be done in a few years or so. I think you have a lot going there. You got braces,you are completing your education. Now if you are at a college you might be able to use your insurance or see a therapist to help you thru this . You sound depressed so please do that for yourself. you may have a better feeling about yourself if you do that. Sometimes depression causes you to focus on the negative side otf things only. You can always work on things like hair ,makeup,weight and how you present yourself. You don't have to be perfect to have good grooming, nice care of your hair,nails, clean clothes. If you don't have the will or energy for that, you may be suffering from clinical depression. Please see someone about it soon. It doesn't happen overnight but you need to likeyourself a LOT more and give yourself credit for what you've done so far. Once your education is finished and your kids, you could go anywhere you want. I think you have some smarts you're not giving yourself credit for.
 
June 2, 2006, 2:26 pm CDT

ADULT CHILD RAISED BY A MOTHER LIKE THIS

Quote From: caseywai

My heart breaks for children like Victoria and yourself when you were growing up.  I cannot think of many things that could be worse that knowing a parent cares less for you because you are not what they think is "pretty".   

  

I hope things are better for you now.  Your worth is in the whole person, not just the outside. 

  

Pray for Victoria and Hunner. 

I PRAY THAT DR. PHIL CONTINUES TO CHECK ON VICTORIA. I WAS RAISED BY A MOTHER WHO FAVORED ONE CHILD OVER THE OTHER. I NOT ONLY GREW UP WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER, I ALSO NEVER WAS CLOSE TO MY SISTER. WE NOW HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP AT ALL.   

   

I WISH PARENTS WOULD BE HELD MORE AS RESPONSIBLE FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE AS THEY ARE PHYSICAL. BRUISES HEAL FASTER THAN BROKEN SPIRITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

 
June 2, 2006, 2:33 pm CDT

05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Quote From: angees21

I agree that the racism is still alive and breathing and thriving. There is no doubt about it. Not only African Americans but also Hispanics, Asians at this point in time due to terrorism I have witnessed horrendous racism towards all people of South Asian descent. I never let it slide if I even catch a hint of it in a store I am very vocal about my opinions. My husband is Hispanic. His family is from Mexico City and we encounter racism on a daily basis. If we go through a fast food  drive thru in certain towns they will go get someone who speaks Spanish ( He doesn't speak one word of it) to help him!!  It will always make me sad and sometimes visciously angry. I am a white female. Sometimes I myself find it hard to understand when we get horrible customer service in a restaurant. For a recent example three white couples came in after us, ate and paid for their food before we even got ours. I of course gave them a nice piece of my mind. I specifically waited for the food, sent it back  then explained why  and why we were not paying for it too the manager. The nasty looks he receives in an all white town or even the nasty looks I get in a mostly Hispanic town!! I as a half way decent looking woman( I must say) receive all sorts of nasty and unwanted sexual attention. I see on the tv disgusting constant sexual depictions of what I consider MY woman. No matter what happens here on earth when we go to where we go we are all the same. If I needed a heart transplant and you were the only donor no matter what color you are I would get your heart because on the inside we all look  the same. Unfortunately not everybody thinks so. Unfortunately we will never live in a colorless peaceful world. I could go on and on but I will promise you one thing. I am a white stranger and I would absolutely look you in the eye. All white people are not the same. Just like all Africans Americans are not the same, all Hispanics are not the same and all Asians are not the same.  Nobody in this imperfect world is the same.

I AGREE WITH YOU.  I AM A CAUCASIAN FEMALE BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT I FEEL NO PREJUDICE TOWARDS ANY PERSON OF ANOTHER RACE OR COLOR.  I BELIEVE THAT WE ARE WHAT WE ARE BECAUSE THAT IS HOW GOD INTENDED US TO BE.  DO YOU THINK THE REASON HE DID THAT WAS SO WE COULD LEARN HOW TO LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE?  I AM SO SORRY THAT THERE ARE RACIAL PREJUDICES IN OUR WORLD BUT I AM NOT A PART OF IT.  SURE, I GREW UP WITH BLACK PEOPLE RIDING IN THE BACK OF THE BUS.  I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT  AT THE TIME BUT THAT WAS THE LAW BACK IN MY EARLIER DAYS.  MY MOTHER WAS SO KIND TO EVERYONE AND I BELIEVE IT WAS FROM MY MOTHER THAT I LEARNED TO LOVE ALL PEOPLE.  THERE ARE SO MANY PREJUDICES OF ONE KIND OR ANOTHER IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY - PRETTY VS UGLY, FAT VS SLENDER, OLD VS YOUNG, 

MARRIED VS SINGLE - AND PROBABLY MANY MORE I CANNOT NAME AT THIS TIME.  I THINK THE OLD INDIAN QUOTE ABOUT NOT JUDGING OTHERS UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR MOCCASINS IS ONE THAT WE SHOULD ALL REMEMBER.  I HAVE NOT WALKED IN A BLACK PERSON'S SHOES, BUT I HAVE MANY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO ARE BLACK - I HAVE NOT WALKED IN A HISPANIC'S SHOES BUT I ALSO HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE HISPANIC.  WE SHOULD ALL LEARN TO LOOK ONE ANOTHER IN THE EYE AND TREAT ONE ANOTHER WITH RESPECT AND DIGNITY.  MAY GOD HELP US TO DO SO.   

  

  

 
June 2, 2006, 3:27 pm CDT

A sad reality

I only got to see the last half of the show, with Jay and the other lady, letting the audience see their experiences. What I saw didn't surprise me, because I see this on a daily basis...and have experienced both the "pretty" and "ugly" treatment.   

   

I was a skinny little girl until puberty hit, then I gained weight and have had a hard time with being overweight ever since. Now I know that it's because I have had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) since those early years. In Jr. High and High School I was a cute size though, thanks to taking part in girls basketball and in being a  busy teen. I had guys that liked me back then, but nothing ever serious. I was a pretty teen, but with low self esteem -- from being used to being overweight. I came out of my shell in High School, and when I was a young adult.    

   

When I got out of High School and became even more active (work, going out more with friends, working out, etc.), I lost more weight and looked good. I think that my confidence grew, and that's what attracted men after that. Then I got married at 18, went on birth control (which made me gain weight, due to the PCOS issues), and found out after getting married that my husband was an abusive person. I struggled through the marriage for a little over a year, suffering with extreme depression, and then finally got up the strength to leave.  My self esteem had plummeted though, and the extra weight (and the abuse) had taken it's toll. Once again I set out to lose weight and to better myself and my life. I went back to church, made friends, lost weight, and even went out on dates. I was not a skinny girl, but I was "just right" :)  That was one of the best times of my life! I was happy, confident, etc.    

   

I married again, and have been happily married for almost nine years now. Unfortunately, I went back on birth control (which I still didn't know was the major reason for my weight gain...it messed up my already screwy hormones) and gained a good amount of weight again. I went off b.c., and we've tried for six years to have children, with no success.   

   

I share all of that because I, like most people, have been through quite a roller coaster ride during my life -- and I've seen the way that people treat you when you are both "pretty" and "ugly".  When I was "pretty", people treated me great! It was nice to be fawned over and to have "good" attention. When I've been "ugly", people treat me ok -- but nothing like when I was "pretty". Something that I've noticed though, is that a lot of how people treat you depends on your attitude. I've always had a cheerful, upbeat personality -- at least on the outside. I'm basically an optimistic person, though sometimes it can be HARD. When I've gone to the store and been upbeat and smiled at people, or gone in feeling good about myself, they seem to have a different attitude with me...they tend to be more positive and treat me better.  When I've had a bad day, and I just hurry to get in and out of the store, or don't make an effort to smile or whatever, people don't treat me as nicely. Then sometimes, you can be as nice as possible, and be a good person -- and people are just plain rotten, and will treat you without any respect. Those are the times that I just try and think what a sad life they make for themselves and others.   

   

When it comes to me judging others, I have always tried to truly look at what's on the inside. I guess it's because I've been on both sides of the fence, AND I was also brought up to be kind and considerate of other people and their feelings. Because of this, I've always had a variety of friends, and I've dated all kinds of different guys (short, tall, skinny, heavy, cute, not-so-cute, etc.)...and I've gotten to know lots of great people. Before I married my current husband, I had quite a few guys that liked me too. It's not because I was absolutely gorgeous -- I wish, LOL --, it was because I showed confidence and I treated other people well. I looked at more than good looks and/or how they dressed. My husband is a big guy, and he was when we met. But when I looked at him, I saw more than the "outer shell". One thing that I will say that got me was his eyes. I know it sounds corny, but people's eyes really are the doorway to their souls. I'm so glad that I looked at what was on the inside, because my husband is one of the sweetest and kindest people you could ever meet -- and he's an all around good person. You can't always say that about the "pretty people".    

   

Anyway, I know that this world is unfair and that their will always be people out there who judge others and who are critical -- but that's their problem in the end.  I also know how hard it can be to have self confidence, and to feel good about yourself, when people can treat you horribly.  You have to reach deep down inside and find your self worth though...and try not to let others determine it for you. Again, I know it's hard...believe me, I know!! Everyone is of great worth, and everyone deserves to be treated decent. WE need to be conscious of how we judge and treat others, and teach other people and our children the same thing -- by our example. Maybe our efforts will make the world just a little bit better, and it may make a big difference in someone else's life.   

   

BTW - I can't help but think of "Shallow Hal", in relation to this Dr. Phil episode and this post topic! I like that crazy movie because of the moral (yes there is one to this funny movie, LOL) to the story :)   

 
June 2, 2006, 3:38 pm CDT

WANTS OR NEEDS?

I cannot believe what I was hearing. That mom says she wants to be a good mother. That is the problem "wants". She "NEEDS to be a good mother. She is so into herself, she cannot see the difference between wants and needs. Those girls should go to live with dad or grandparents for the support and unconditional love they NEED! EQUALLY
 
June 2, 2006, 3:50 pm CDT

Ugly moms and ugly thoughts

Has anyone noticed that neither one of these moms, and I use this term loosely, are particularly attractive themselves?  It seems to me that both Debi and Michell could not only use a mental makeover but might benefit from a physical one, as well.  As my grandmother always said, if you think ugly, you are ugly.  

  

  

 
June 2, 2006, 3:52 pm CDT

Ugly moms and ugly thoughts

Has anyone noticed that neither one of these moms, and I use this term loosely, are particularly attractive themselves?  It seems to me that both Debi and Michell could not only use a mental makeover but might benefit from a physical one, as well.  As my grandmother always said, if you think ugly, you are ugly.   

   

   

 
June 2, 2006, 5:02 pm CDT

Outraged at Debi's mental abuse

I am a faithful viewer of the Dr. Phil show and have the utmost respect and admiration for Dr. Phil.  This show has left me sick to my stomach with the "so called" mother named Debi.  She has subjected those two beautiful children to the highest form of mental abuse!!!  When children are removed from their parents due to physical abuse WHY aren't these children also removed to the father or relatives.  Debi is unfit and needs many years of counseling to help her... but those poor children... How will the younger girl ever regain her self-esteem... I just want to hug her and tell her how beautiful she is.... I would love to provide her with a loving home of unconditional love.  I am a retired 55 year old and would be the best grandmother possible to both of those children.  I know that Debi is just one of the millions of abusive mothers out there but it just makes me sick to think the children must continue to be subjected to this behavior. 

PLEASE PROVIDE A FOLLOW UP TO LET US KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THESE CHILDREN 

 
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