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Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

Number of Replies: 757
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:28:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Losing a child is especially traumatic, share your memories, stories and support with others here.

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January 17, 2007, 1:26 pm CST

We never forget

Quote From: faith__

I lost my son on Dec 27, 2006; he was 21 yrs old.  It's only been 2wks since his funeral.  I feel numb.  It seems like a terrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from....but I'm not....he's gone.  I have a huge ache in my heart.

 

 

I and my wife lost our lovely 14 years old daughter on Nov. 16th 2006.

I found something that may help a little bit at www.bereavedparentsusa.org.

 
January 18, 2007, 6:30 pm CST

Hope

Quote From: bkamali

I and my wife lost our lovely 14 years old daughter on Nov. 16th 2006.

I found something that may help a little bit at www.bereavedparentsusa.org.

Hello Faith.  I too feel your pain.  My 25 year old son Ian passed away a year and a half ago and my heart still aches.  But I trust in the Lord to give me the peace that I need to get through the days.  One day he spoke to my heart and told me to pray for others and to reach out to others who are hurting and need prayer.  I then realized that it's not always about me and that there are others such as yourself who need someone.  Dear Faith, I am here for you.  Please write me.  In the meantime I pray that God will heal and restore you. 

 

love and blessings,

mari

 
January 18, 2007, 6:35 pm CST

peace

Quote From: bkamali

On Nov. 16th 2006, I lost my 14 years old daughter to a disorder by the name of Marfan's Syndrome.

I and my wife said good bay to her at about 7:00 am and 2:00 pm I received a call from school and hospital. When I rushed to hospital, I found her dead.

We can't believe it yet; she was ok. Probably she was the happiest person in her school as her classmates say.

She was our only daughter, we missed her a lot and can not stop crying. Time is passing very slowly and we feel everyhing around us has stopped.

Hello dear friend.  Just a short note to say:  I WILL CRY WITH YOU.  I lost my 25 year old son Ian about a year and a half ago and it still doesn't seem real.  I also have a void in my heart that can only be filled with God's peace.  I will pray for your healing and restoration and I ask that you pray for me.  Take care and God be with you.

 

blessings,

maria

 
January 18, 2007, 6:41 pm CST

Hope

Quote From: faith__

I lost my son on Dec 27, 2006; he was 21 yrs old.  It's only been 2wks since his funeral.  I feel numb.  It seems like a terrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from....but I'm not....he's gone.  I have a huge ache in my heart.

 

 

My prayers are with you.  I too lost a son and know what you are going through, but trust in the Lord and he will get you through.  I still feel numb at times even though it happened about a year and a half ago.  there is a void in my heart that only God can fill.  Always remember that our sons will never be forgotten for the HEART WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.

 

Peace and blessings,

maria

 
January 18, 2007, 9:39 pm CST

Sorry for your loss.

Quote From: bkamali

I and my wife lost our lovely 14 years old daughter on Nov. 16th 2006.

I found something that may help a little bit at www.bereavedparentsusa.org.

I will check out the web site.  Thank you.
 
January 18, 2007, 9:45 pm CST

Mari

Quote From: lakewoodangel

Hello Faith.  I too feel your pain.  My 25 year old son Ian passed away a year and a half ago and my heart still aches.  But I trust in the Lord to give me the peace that I need to get through the days.  One day he spoke to my heart and told me to pray for others and to reach out to others who are hurting and need prayer.  I then realized that it's not always about me and that there are others such as yourself who need someone.  Dear Faith, I am here for you.  Please write me.  In the meantime I pray that God will heal and restore you. 

 

love and blessings,

mari

So sorry for your loss.  Josh was my only child and it is such a shock that he is gone.   I'm not only sadden that he is gone, but it also makes me sad that he will never get married, never get to be a dad, never grow old.  I loved him so much. 

 

I too trust that the Lord will help me through this, but I can't help but question why he allowed it to happen.  It's not fair.  We are suppose to watch our children grow up.  I'm still numb.

 

Thanks for reaching out.

 
January 18, 2007, 9:54 pm CST

Quiet Moments......

The quiet times seem the hardest.  Does anyone have any ideas/tips on coping through the quiet?  My husband works and I'm home alone all day.  My mind keeps going over and over the whole ordeal.  I know there isn't any easy answers.
 
January 19, 2007, 5:49 am CST

The Quiet Times

Quote From: faith__

The quiet times seem the hardest.  Does anyone have any ideas/tips on coping through the quiet?  My husband works and I'm home alone all day.  My mind keeps going over and over the whole ordeal.  I know there isn't any easy answers.

 For me, the quiet times were the hardest times to get through particularly when I am missing my baby grandson, who succumbed to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  I have found what helps me get through the quiet times is to validate my faith and journal to answer questions such as, am I lonely and why don't I like the quiet times?  When I see my self expression that I wish someone could listen to, it helps me understand what I really need, which is sometimes to validate my own grief.  There were times when I needed to accept the notion that my family portrait has been changed forever, it will be different now.   The other thing that I have done is write poems about what I am thinking and feeling.  They are not great poems, but who cares, it is what I needed to do at that moment. 

Here is one I wrote when his birth date was approaching and I wanted someone to understand what I was going through, but at that moment there was no one available to listen to me.  I was alone and being a grandma is an important part of my life.

 

I Dream

Like a ripple in a pond,

A whisper in the wind,

I dream of how things might have been.

 

Your boyish grin

Your manly cleft shaped chin

Your chubby cheeks

Your soft blue eyes

Are dreams of days and weeks gone by.

 

Your first little giggle,

Your toes that you wiggled

Are memories that whisper now and then.

 

Like a ripple in a pond,

A whisper in the wind,

I can not help but cling to what

you might have been.

 

Watching you take your first step

as you eye your favorite toy to get.

Would it have been balls or blocks?

Or would it have trucks or books?

 

I cannot know.

For like a ripple in a pond,

A whisper in the wind,

Your life was over when you became

a victim of SIDS

 

I hope what I have written helps. It is hard to go with your heart felt need and take care of what no one else can.  Take care of yourself, because if you don't no one else will is what I have learned through my own sometimes, stone hard grief journey.  I have learned the reason why no one else can help at times, is because we are all going down the path of grief together, yet with uniquely different needs. 

 
January 19, 2007, 6:19 pm CST

What a beautiful poem!!

Quote From: jewelsmuse

 For me, the quiet times were the hardest times to get through particularly when I am missing my baby grandson, who succumbed to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  I have found what helps me get through the quiet times is to validate my faith and journal to answer questions such as, am I lonely and why don't I like the quiet times?  When I see my self expression that I wish someone could listen to, it helps me understand what I really need, which is sometimes to validate my own grief.  There were times when I needed to accept the notion that my family portrait has been changed forever, it will be different now.   The other thing that I have done is write poems about what I am thinking and feeling.  They are not great poems, but who cares, it is what I needed to do at that moment. 

Here is one I wrote when his birth date was approaching and I wanted someone to understand what I was going through, but at that moment there was no one available to listen to me.  I was alone and being a grandma is an important part of my life.

 

I Dream

Like a ripple in a pond,

A whisper in the wind,

I dream of how things might have been.

 

Your boyish grin

Your manly cleft shaped chin

Your chubby cheeks

Your soft blue eyes

Are dreams of days and weeks gone by.

 

Your first little giggle,

Your toes that you wiggled

Are memories that whisper now and then.

 

Like a ripple in a pond,

A whisper in the wind,

I can not help but cling to what

you might have been.

 

Watching you take your first step

as you eye your favorite toy to get.

Would it have been balls or blocks?

Or would it have trucks or books?

 

I cannot know.

For like a ripple in a pond,

A whisper in the wind,

Your life was over when you became

a victim of SIDS

 

I hope what I have written helps. It is hard to go with your heart felt need and take care of what no one else can.  Take care of yourself, because if you don't no one else will is what I have learned through my own sometimes, stone hard grief journey.  I have learned the reason why no one else can help at times, is because we are all going down the path of grief together, yet with uniquely different needs. 

Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful poem and for the warm words.  I'm at a loss for words tonight, but I wanted you to know how much I appreciated your response. 
 
January 20, 2007, 12:07 pm CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

Quote From: faith__

The quiet times seem the hardest.  Does anyone have any ideas/tips on coping through the quiet?  My husband works and I'm home alone all day.  My mind keeps going over and over the whole ordeal.  I know there isn't any easy answers.

I have found that quiet times aren't for everyone as we all grieve and mourn differently, but I believe that one day you will appreciate the quiet times because it's your time to reflect on the blessings you have now.  It has been a year and a half since Ian my son has been gone, but I try not to dwell on his passing and try to reflect on the blessings that God bestowed on me for bringing that beautiful angel to my life.  It must hard for you I know to be alone all day because I use to go through the same thing too.  I would keep going over in my mind everything that happened, but I found it only made me even more sad and then I couldn't cope being a wife.  Believe me when I say that I know what you are going through.  But you are taking your first step to get out of your darkness by being open and talking about your loss.  I speak for myself when I say that talking about Ian's life and not his death is therapy for me.  My faith in God is very strong and I am a firm believer in prayer.  Ask God to give you the peace you need in your heart and I will pray fo healing and restoration for me, you and all the parents who have lost children.  Until then continue to write to others as I will continue to write to you.,

"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD".  psalm 46:10

 

Yours in Christ....

Ian's mom forever,

maria

 
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