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Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:28:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Losing a child is especially traumatic, share your memories, stories and support with others here.

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January 9, 2007, 9:36 am CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

Quote From: imsireland

Irelands tiny little fingers were wrapped one by one around my index finger. Her whole fist did not fit from the end of my nail to my knuckle. I was standing over her, praying that everything would be alright. Even with all the tubes of IVs and the tape adhering them to her, she was the most beautiful person to enter my life. Seeing her sick was terrifying to me. She was so small, and young, just an innocent child; a little girl whose life had just begun. My body and mind were numb as I watched the doctor pump her little chest. The machines were doing her breathing for her, and the doctor was manually beating her heart. I watched Dr. Katies teardrop fall unto my little girl as she said, She doesnt have a heartbeat. My response was, Give her mine. I did not want to accept that Ireland Leigh Ann had died. My daughter, my little girl, my dreams had all disappeared with those five words. It had only been three weeks after she was born.

I remember the moment that Dave whispered quietly in my ear, Its a girl. That moment and those words can only be used to describe the day my dreams were filled and all my wishes came true. I had always wanted a little girl, even more so after having two boys. Tayler and Holton had a sister, Dave and I had a daughter. Ireland Leigh Ann Hendrickson was born healthy. She weighed 7 pounds, and she was 20 ½ inches long. She was perfect. Our family was complete and I had my tubes tied. I would no longer be able to conceive anymore children. It seemed like the right decision at that time. Ireland was born by c-section which made the surgery convenient. How did I know that would become the biggest regret in my life? Having my tubes tied was the mistake that has now lead me on a journey of hope, a search to fill the void created by losing Ireland.

I took my daughter home as scheduled and we began our future together. I imagined our life together would be forever. I took her to a routine check-up at two-weeks old. She was meeting all expectations of a newborn. I had even believed she was doing more. After all, I had witnessed a smile. At this young of age, most people had found it hard to believe. A week after the doctors visit, Ireland became sick. An airborne bacterium, meningitis, had entered her body. She was too small to fight it off. Ireland died as a result of meningitis on April 6, 2005.

The moment that Irelands heart stopped, I felt as if I lost my whole world. I was still a mom, but no longer had a daughter. I was alive but no longer had a soul. I felt as if I had no reason for dreaming.

After months of grief and a period of depression, I started to seek hope. Hope to complete our family again, and to fill the void; the emptiness I still feel inside. A will to continue the bond created by a wish that once came true; a dream that had been filled. A love from a daughter I had only gotten to know for three short weeks. Upon our search for hope, my husband and I discovered In Vitro Fertilization. This is a procedure in which eggs are removed from a woman and fertilized in a petri dish to create cells, or an embryo. The eggs are then implanted into the womans uterus, allowing her to carry her own baby. During this procedure, once the cells are formed they can be tested for chromosomes. This allows couples to choose the gender of the baby.

Although this method is very costly, we have chosen it. We have the guarantee of conceiving a girl. I do not want a little girl strictly because I do not have one, but because I had one. I know the bond and how it differs between a mother and daughter. We are currently working out a way to afford the procedure. For us it is the possibility that makes us a little stronger each day. Having hope takes away the pain, one moment at a time.

My heart aches for Ireland, and she will never be replaced. The day Ireland died was the day Tayler and Holton lost a piece of their mother. A daughter would not only complete our family, but it would give two other children back their mother. She will be the missing piece to complete us. Having another child is not a solution to grief, but having a daughter is the answer to my prayers. Arayah Hope, her name, would not only be an addition to our family, but another dream come true; a ray of hope.

Hello Ireland's mom.  I know how you feel and I know what you have been through.  I too lost my 25 year old son to meningitis.  Can you beleive that?  It happened a year and half ago.  I had just lost my dad of a heart attack a week before Mothers Day, and then 2 weeks after Mothers Day, my beloved son passed away.  I was in total shock and at times wondered maybe I was just in a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from.  I was able to get through the days by the denial.  I could not beleive the pain that I was feeling and imagined how God felt when he sent down his son, Jesus to die for us!  In my mind I know that my son is resting peaceful and he is in God's glory, but my heart tells me different.  There is a void that  only God can fill.  God's comfort surrounds me when my days are blue.  Ian left 3 sons behind, Logan is 7, Ian Jr., is 5 and Wilson is 2 years old and I reminded of the blessings that God gave me in Ian.  My son was not expected to live when he was born, but God gave me this angel for 25 years and I am thankful for that.  Yet there days when I don't want to be happy and I want to wallow in my sadness, but God says, "NO, YOU WILL GET UP AND I WILL NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED".  The scripture says we must praise and worship God at all times, not only when I'm going through bad times, but in the good times too.  My faith in God is my stronghold and I don't know if the grieiving and the mourning will ever stop.  I do know that God does not give us a spirt of sadness and dispair, but he gives us a spirit of hope through his grace and mercy.  I will pray for you and ask God to restore and heal you.  I pray that you will have a beautiful daughter and that the tears you have shed for Ireland will be tears of joy in the birth of your next child.  Stay in prayer and may God bless you always.

 

Blessings,

maria in houston, texas

 
January 9, 2007, 9:50 am CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

Quote From: shayssmile

My Sisters youngest son  passed away a year and a half ago, he was just 14 and had an accident in the neighbors yard.  She struggles each and everyday, just to get up.  I wish she would let me help her.  There is a grief support at my church, however she says she just doesnt want to go.  They can't bring him back, so why bother...... We also lost our mother just 8 days after JonJon, unexpectedly to a brain annurysm........ Life has not been good to us lately to say the least.  Any idea on how I can help my sister, please let me know.

Thank You

Shay

Hello Shay.  I know what your sister is going through because I lost my 25 year son Ian a year and a half ago to meningitis.  I beleive that sharing my grief with others serves as a therapy for me as well.  I have found that when I keep my mind off my pain and concentrate on the pain of others, my heart is quiet.  I realize that is NOT only about me, but about others as well.  I pray for those that have lost.  But I am firm beleiver of prayer and my faith is strong in the Lord.    I know you must feel helpless and wish you could help your sister, but the only thing you can do is to let her know that you are there for her.  Love on her and let her know you will never leave her.  Pray for healing and restoration over her.  You are a wonderful sister to stand by her.  As christians we know that in heaven is where there is peace.  But as mothers our hearts are empty.  Yet the bible says that God can give us comfort in our time of need.  My dad died a week before Mothers Day and then my son Ian died 2 weeks after Mothers Day.  My mom had just died of a heart attack about a year prior to my my dad and my son.  I was still grieving my mom's death when my dad died.  I was reeling from the pain and couldn't beleive this pain I was experiencing was real.  But then when my son Ian died, a part of me died too.  There is an emptiness in your heart that can be filled with God's comfort and I know this.  Don't get me wrong, there are times when I wake up and I don't want to be happy but then I am reminded that "THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE AND I WILL REJOICE IN IT!"  I have a lot of faith and I know that God will get me through this.  I will keep your sister in prayer and I pray that soon God will give her the peace that she needs.  Take care and God bless.

 

peace and blessings,

maria in houston, texas

 
January 9, 2007, 7:58 pm CST

Thank You

Quote From: lakewoodangel

Hello Ireland's mom.  I know how you feel and I know what you have been through.  I too lost my 25 year old son to meningitis.  Can you beleive that?  It happened a year and half ago.  I had just lost my dad of a heart attack a week before Mothers Day, and then 2 weeks after Mothers Day, my beloved son passed away.  I was in total shock and at times wondered maybe I was just in a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from.  I was able to get through the days by the denial.  I could not beleive the pain that I was feeling and imagined how God felt when he sent down his son, Jesus to die for us!  In my mind I know that my son is resting peaceful and he is in God's glory, but my heart tells me different.  There is a void that  only God can fill.  God's comfort surrounds me when my days are blue.  Ian left 3 sons behind, Logan is 7, Ian Jr., is 5 and Wilson is 2 years old and I reminded of the blessings that God gave me in Ian.  My son was not expected to live when he was born, but God gave me this angel for 25 years and I am thankful for that.  Yet there days when I don't want to be happy and I want to wallow in my sadness, but God says, "NO, YOU WILL GET UP AND I WILL NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED".  The scripture says we must praise and worship God at all times, not only when I'm going through bad times, but in the good times too.  My faith in God is my stronghold and I don't know if the grieiving and the mourning will ever stop.  I do know that God does not give us a spirt of sadness and dispair, but he gives us a spirit of hope through his grace and mercy.  I will pray for you and ask God to restore and heal you.  I pray that you will have a beautiful daughter and that the tears you have shed for Ireland will be tears of joy in the birth of your next child.  Stay in prayer and may God bless you always.

 

Blessings,

maria in houston, texas

God has binded us in so many ways, Thank you for letting me meet you, and for the story. I'll keep you in my prayers and tell Ian to look for the little blue butterfly.

 
January 14, 2007, 7:09 pm CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

 I am so sorry for all of you that have lost a child.
I, too, lost my first daughter June 15, 2004. She was stillborn at 31 weeks gestation (7 mos) Her name is Kennedie Madison. Kennedie was born very small and she had a very rare chromosome abnormality. I live with the grief each and every day of my life.

 
January 14, 2007, 8:33 pm CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

I lost my son on Dec 27, 2006; he was 21 yrs old.  It's only been 2wks since his funeral.  I feel numb.  It seems like a terrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from....but I'm not....he's gone.  I have a huge ache in my heart.

 

 

 
January 15, 2007, 5:02 pm CST

Been There

Quote From: faith__

I lost my son on Dec 27, 2006; he was 21 yrs old.  It's only been 2wks since his funeral.  I feel numb.  It seems like a terrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from....but I'm not....he's gone.  I have a huge ache in my heart.

 

 

Hi Faith my name is Libby and I lost my dad in 2005 he was 45 and had a massive heart attack so i can some what relate to your pain. It feels like someone is stabbing you right in the stomach and you are just so numb from it all that you just cant cry anymore. Stay strong, Iam a firm beliver in the lord and your son is fine and you are going to be alright . the pain starts to ease away a little each month. It is going on 2 years for my mother and i now and i am still grieving. Find someone to talk to because it helps alot and cry. Crying lets you release your sadness. Stay strong iam sure you have a family who needs you.
 
January 15, 2007, 7:25 pm CST

Hi Libby

Quote From: libby76

Hi Faith my name is Libby and I lost my dad in 2005 he was 45 and had a massive heart attack so i can some what relate to your pain. It feels like someone is stabbing you right in the stomach and you are just so numb from it all that you just cant cry anymore. Stay strong, Iam a firm beliver in the lord and your son is fine and you are going to be alright . the pain starts to ease away a little each month. It is going on 2 years for my mother and i now and i am still grieving. Find someone to talk to because it helps alot and cry. Crying lets you release your sadness. Stay strong iam sure you have a family who needs you.
Thanks for the reply.  Sorry for your loss.  I'm kind of at a loss for words at the moment, but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate that you took the time to respond to my post.  I too believe in God and know my son is in heaven.....but it's still hard.  I can't help but ask, "Why couldn't we have our loved ones longer?"   Loosing your dad at the age of 45 must have been a huge shock.  My heart goes out to you.
 
January 16, 2007, 11:58 pm CST

hello i am cheryl my only child was murderd

hello to everyone i am cherylina i have been trying to solve my son murder its been very hard sad fore me my only child was shot murderd he was 14 yearsold it has been very hard because of no truth no justice in my son death i need to talk to others and  it helps me i grieve so much  if anyone like to talk please contact me thanks
 
January 17, 2007, 1:06 pm CST

We lost our Angel

On Nov. 16th 2006, I lost my 14 years old daughter to a disorder by the name of Marfan's Syndrome.

I and my wife said good bay to her at about 7:00 am and 2:00 pm I received a call from school and hospital. When I rushed to hospital, I found her dead.

We can't believe it yet; she was ok. Probably she was the happiest person in her school as her classmates say.

She was our only daughter, we missed her a lot and can not stop crying. Time is passing very slowly and we feel everyhing around us has stopped.

 
January 17, 2007, 1:24 pm CST

We can't do anything

Quote From: libby76

Hi Faith my name is Libby and I lost my dad in 2005 he was 45 and had a massive heart attack so i can some what relate to your pain. It feels like someone is stabbing you right in the stomach and you are just so numb from it all that you just cant cry anymore. Stay strong, Iam a firm beliver in the lord and your son is fine and you are going to be alright . the pain starts to ease away a little each month. It is going on 2 years for my mother and i now and i am still grieving. Find someone to talk to because it helps alot and cry. Crying lets you release your sadness. Stay strong iam sure you have a family who needs you.

I and my wife lost our lovely 14 years old daughter on Nov. 16th 2006.

I found something that may help a little bit at www.bereavedparentsusa.org.

 
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