Replies to '06/15 Bad Brides'
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February 6, 2006, 3:47 am PST
 Quote From: cris04 Attention all brides-to-be!! This is the second anniversary of my separation, 1 year since my divorce -- not a good start for a message for brides-to-be, but listen up anyway! I wasn't a bridezilla, but I've done the big Italian wedding, and I think I have some worthwhile advice to give. I believe in marriage. I think it's a wonderful thing. I've seen it work for many people and I know that when two people treat each other with respect and love, that a marriage is a beautiful thing. Please do not get caught up in all the pre-wedding frenzy. My wedding was nice, it was a fun party with great food and good friends. I had a blast. It was low budget but classy, everyone had a super time. If my marriage had reflected the success that the wedding day had, I would have been guaranteed 100 years of wedded bliss. Right after the wedding, things unraveled between us. Here's the message: Take all of the negative energy you are wasting in planning the "perfect" wedding and find a reputable marriage counselor. Make some appointments while you are still engaged and discuss the major issues -- future expectations regarding lifestyle, responsibilities, children, careers, etc. Read all you can about creating a strong foundation for a lifetime of communication, cooperation and respect. Talk to married couples you know who have remained in a successful, productive relationship and ask them what their secret is. Take all of the money that you will unnecessarily spend on those useless "extras" that nobody will notice and put it in a "rainy day" account. Save it for when the euphoria of the white dress and the high of being the center of attention wear off. Take a long weekend away with your new husband and remember why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. And for the men engaged to these bridezillas -- Listen up. If it's all about her in the planning of the wedding, and it's all about her on your wedding day, it will be all about her for the rest of your life. Are you willing to live like that? Think about it. A wedding postponement or cancellation is a lot cheaper and more respectable than a divorce. I agree with you 100%. My wedding was simple but very beautiful. But one more thing to add for the bridzilla's out there. I know it's your wedding but it's also your husband to be's. Really when you look back on your day do you what beautiful memories or bad ones like treating people you supposly love like lower then dirt. Because these are people that you will be living with for the rest of your life or just maybe they'll get wise and won't want to live with you. They'll tell you see ya! Do you really want that ?Think about it!!! |
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February 6, 2006, 7:03 am PST
Quote From: cris04 Attention all brides-to-be!! This is the second anniversary of my separation, 1 year since my divorce -- not a good start for a message for brides-to-be, but listen up anyway! I wasn't a bridezilla, but I've done the big Italian wedding, and I think I have some worthwhile advice to give. I believe in marriage. I think it's a wonderful thing. I've seen it work for many people and I know that when two people treat each other with respect and love, that a marriage is a beautiful thing. Please do not get caught up in all the pre-wedding frenzy. My wedding was nice, it was a fun party with great food and good friends. I had a blast. It was low budget but classy, everyone had a super time. If my marriage had reflected the success that the wedding day had, I would have been guaranteed 100 years of wedded bliss. Right after the wedding, things unraveled between us. Here's the message: Take all of the negative energy you are wasting in planning the "perfect" wedding and find a reputable marriage counselor. Make some appointments while you are still engaged and discuss the major issues -- future expectations regarding lifestyle, responsibilities, children, careers, etc. Read all you can about creating a strong foundation for a lifetime of communication, cooperation and respect. Talk to married couples you know who have remained in a successful, productive relationship and ask them what their secret is. Take all of the money that you will unnecessarily spend on those useless "extras" that nobody will notice and put it in a "rainy day" account. Save it for when the euphoria of the white dress and the high of being the center of attention wear off. Take a long weekend away with your new husband and remember why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. And for the men engaged to these bridezillas -- Listen up. If it's all about her in the planning of the wedding, and it's all about her on your wedding day, it will be all about her for the rest of your life. Are you willing to live like that? Think about it. A wedding postponement or cancellation is a lot cheaper and more respectable than a divorce. AMEN Sister! I think that the FIRST thing an engaged couple should do, before putting any deposits down on anything...is to go to pre-marital counseling. Too many times, the pre-marraige classes at church are held TOO LATE, and the bride and groom go through with things anyway because it's all planned and paid for.
I attended several weddings in the 80's and 90's that cost well over 100K. 500-800 people. 12 limousines. Vera Wang gowns, 15 bridesmaids. Lobster and Filet. TWO bands. You know the drill. This started with the royal wedding of Charles and Diana , which sparked off the lavish wedding craze. We all know how Charles and Diana turned out. EVERY ONE of the couples with the lavish weddings I attended are divorced, separated, or just plain miserable.
The couples who's small and simple wedddings were focused on God and their relationship as husband and wife....they are the ones going strong today. My own wedding was small, under budget, and still talked about in the family 10 years later as one of the most meaningful and lovely weddings they ever attended. My own father, before he walked me down the aisle, told me that he wouldn't be upset if I didn't want to get married that day. He saw other fathers bankrupt themselves paying for their daughters weddings and subsequent divorces.
I later became a wedding planner for a major hotel chain and dealt with my fair share of "Bridezillas". I can tell you that no matter how expensive the dress is, if the bride has a nasty disposition...she is ugly, ugly, ugly. Even the most understanding groom like Todd will come to the end of his rope. Good Luck, Todd. |
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February 11, 2006, 6:23 pm PST
Quote From: cris04 Attention all brides-to-be!! This is the second anniversary of my separation, 1 year since my divorce -- not a good start for a message for brides-to-be, but listen up anyway! I wasn't a bridezilla, but I've done the big Italian wedding, and I think I have some worthwhile advice to give. I believe in marriage. I think it's a wonderful thing. I've seen it work for many people and I know that when two people treat each other with respect and love, that a marriage is a beautiful thing. Please do not get caught up in all the pre-wedding frenzy. My wedding was nice, it was a fun party with great food and good friends. I had a blast. It was low budget but classy, everyone had a super time. If my marriage had reflected the success that the wedding day had, I would have been guaranteed 100 years of wedded bliss. Right after the wedding, things unraveled between us. Here's the message: Take all of the negative energy you are wasting in planning the "perfect" wedding and find a reputable marriage counselor. Make some appointments while you are still engaged and discuss the major issues -- future expectations regarding lifestyle, responsibilities, children, careers, etc. Read all you can about creating a strong foundation for a lifetime of communication, cooperation and respect. Talk to married couples you know who have remained in a successful, productive relationship and ask them what their secret is. Take all of the money that you will unnecessarily spend on those useless "extras" that nobody will notice and put it in a "rainy day" account. Save it for when the euphoria of the white dress and the high of being the center of attention wear off. Take a long weekend away with your new husband and remember why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. And for the men engaged to these bridezillas -- Listen up. If it's all about her in the planning of the wedding, and it's all about her on your wedding day, it will be all about her for the rest of your life. Are you willing to live like that? Think about it. A wedding postponement or cancellation is a lot cheaper and more respectable than a divorce. This is very good advice I believe, incase your "Knight in Shining Armour" turns out to be a twit. (Hey! It happens). Girls who have never been married before obsess about the wedding - the train is moving down the track and nothing is going to stop it. They forget that there is a shared life after the wedding day. Forget fixing your eyes on the wedding, and keep your eyes on your fiance instead. Keep looking out for red flags right up to the wedding day - and if you see/hear/sense any problems/addictions/issues BAIL OUT. Better to bail than have to deal with a divorce and all the heartache that is involved for all concerned. I seriously recommend talking with the people in his life before you came along - give them the opportunity to share honestly with you - and if they have anything negative to say .........listen. Have the brains not to write it all off. Has he been married before - what does his ex wife say? Does he have children? What is going on with them? Are there multiple divorces in his family of origin? Does he lie? Is he being "exceptionally honest" .......in this case he may be presenting himself as an honest person, but in fact be heavily editing "the facts" to support his false claims. Don't be fooled. Be smart. I could go on and on, but there are lots of books out there. Don't be a "Cinderella meets her Prince Charming" dummy. This is real life not a little girl's fairy story.
Never mind all the rigmarole that is a modern day wedding. Good heavens it's supposed to be a celebration and taking of vows, not a bloody circus! Some weddings look more like something you would see at Disneyland than a dedication of two lives and loves. No dignity. Yuck.
ps: Be very wary of a guy who tells you his ex is "crazy" or "nuts" - he is probably trying to discredit anything she has to say because he has things to hide (ie: the truth about him). |
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