Replies to '06/13 Trapped'

i am in need of some advise.  

i have been with my husband since 2000. we were married in oct 03.  we have 2 kids together, ages 3 and 1 both boys.   

i had just ended a 4 yr relationship to a guy who was my high school sweetheart because of abuse. i wasnt looking for  anything or anyone. i wanted time to find who i really was. i was working full time hours and looking into going back to school. things were going well. i met him ( my husband) through some mutural friends.  at first i dint pay much attention to him. but the more i was around him the more i didnt want to be. he was getting a divorce from his second marriage ( his frst was because he got the woman pregnant and wanted to do the "right thing") both marriages lasted i think 2 maybe 3 years each.  

over ther years our relationship had been tested time and time again. i'll give you a short summery of things 

we had a miscarrige,  c a month later my sisters husband also one of his friends,is killed in an auto accident, my grandfather dies a year later, we had our first child together a month after that, a year later we move to another state. but the past 2 years have been the hardest. we were married and on the same day his mom was admitted into the hospital. a few days after his birthday in dec she passes away. he was a mammas boy and this crushed him. he went to the funeral alone. we couldnt afford for all of us to go and plus i was pregnant again and was considered high risk. a few months after that he was diagnosed with mulitple sclerosis. then our second child is born. he isnt able to work, he considered a liabilty so employers dont want to hire him. so i started working again. mind you i hadnt worked in 3 yrs but i found a job. well he took up playing poker. i had no problem with that. i just wanted him to be happy so i let him play. at first it was only online and for play money. then he got pretty good at it so i encouraged him to play for real money. he was doing good. then he heard of live games and he started playing at those. it was 1 or 2 nights out of the week, and he would leave when the kids went to bed which was around 8 or 9 and be home by midnight.  he was with the kids all day. i felt bad for him so i let him play. but then more days were added on and the times when he was coming home was later and later. it became 2 or 3 am   and he was out playing 3 or 4 days a week. now its practically everday and i dont see him till the following morning when i have to leave for work. 

now he tells me that hes not happy and that he wants to leave.  i dont know what to do. with everything that has been going on, i dont blame him, but instead of us getting closer he has shut me out. the more i tried to be there for him, the more i got the cold shoulder. but when i backed off he complained that i didnt care anymore.  he recently told me that i needed to find my own transportaton and figure out where i am going to be living and doing  because he is moving out. 

my friends and family are saying that i should let him leave and get on with my life. i get so frustrated and overwhelmed at times that i just brake down and cry. i dont eat or sleep all that well. i cant afford to move again. hours at work have been cut so i dont have the finacial means to do much. i know that there is state aide out there but in order to get it i have to get a divorce and i'm not ready  to throw in the towel.  

is there even a chance for us to save our marriage or is it over.  

please help 

i am in need of some advise.  

i have been with my husband since 2000. we were married in oct 03.  we have 2 kids together, ages 3 and 1 both boys.   

i had just ended a 4 yr relationship to a guy who was my high school sweetheart because of abuse. i wasnt looking for  anything or anyone. i wanted time to find who i really was. i was working full time hours and looking into going back to school. things were going well. i met him ( my husband) through some mutural friends.  at first i dint pay much attention to him. but the more i was around him the more i didnt want to be. he was getting a divorce from his second marriage ( his frst was because he got the woman pregnant and wanted to do the "right thing") both marriages lasted i think 2 maybe 3 years each.  

over ther years our relationship had been tested time and time again. i'll give you a short summery of things 

we had a miscarrige,  c a month later my sisters husband also one of his friends,is killed in an auto accident, my grandfather dies a year later, we had our first child together a month after that, a year later we move to another state. but the past 2 years have been the hardest. we were married and on the same day his mom was admitted into the hospital. a few days after his birthday in dec she passes away. he was a mammas boy and this crushed him. he went to the funeral alone. we couldnt afford for all of us to go and plus i was pregnant again and was considered high risk. a few months after that he was diagnosed with mulitple sclerosis. then our second child is born. he isnt able to work, he considered a liabilty so employers dont want to hire him. so i started working again. mind you i hadnt worked in 3 yrs but i found a job. well he took up playing poker. i had no problem with that. i just wanted him to be happy so i let him play. at first it was only online and for play money. then he got pretty good at it so i encouraged him to play for real money. he was doing good. then he heard of live games and he started playing at those. it was 1 or 2 nights out of the week, and he would leave when the kids went to bed which was around 8 or 9 and be home by midnight.  he was with the kids all day. i felt bad for him so i let him play. but then more days were added on and the times when he was coming home was later and later. it became 2 or 3 am   and he was out playing 3 or 4 days a week. now its practically everday and i dont see him till the following morning when i have to leave for work. 

now he tells me that hes not happy and that he wants to leave.  i dont know what to do. with everything that has been going on, i dont blame him, but instead of us getting closer he has shut me out. the more i tried to be there for him, the more i got the cold shoulder. but when i backed off he complained that i didnt care anymore.  he recently told me that i needed to find my own transportaton and figure out where i am going to be living and doing  because he is moving out. 

my friends and family are saying that i should let him leave and get on with my life. i get so frustrated and overwhelmed at times that i just brake down and cry. i dont eat or sleep all that well. i cant afford to move again. hours at work have been cut so i dont have the finacial means to do much. i know that there is state aide out there but in order to get it i have to get a divorce and i'm not ready  to throw in the towel.  

is there even a chance for us to save our marriage or is it over.  

please help