I threw in the towel on several occasions and it became final 3 years ago. And there are some differences in our circumstances, but the irresponsibility, lack of maturity, and still the delusions of entitlement are still very much ongoing.
We met in a 12 Step Program ( which further made matters worse) and knew each other several months before she became pregnant. And as the man I was raised to be, I stayed and tried to do the right thing and put on the back burner my plans to move back to my home state. So I asked her to marry me and she refused for some time. And that in itself was a saving grace because it gave me the time to see what she was really about and to drive me nuts in the process.
Before when we just met she disclosed she had some Anxiety Disorder and I thought,"No big deal." Because for all the time we hung out and did all the fun and traveling we did, I never saw her have one sign of it as it was explained to me what it was. I also didn't know of the potent medicine she was taking and that there is a dependency on it. But it wouldn't be long till I found out. In the meantime I got her a job working for this new company I was helping to build and warned her of the risk when it comes to the construction trade. Plus, I was working with a disability that had been taking it's toll on me daily, but I wouldn't get it dealt with for several years to come. Thus all seemed OK for a while and even after a little while when she became pregnant. We were staying with her mother & twin sisters where the only thing was the fights between the siblings that got out of hand once in a while. I should have known then that would be how she would be addressing me when her psychopathic attitude wanted it's unrealistic needs met.
We got out of Mom's home because of her demands and from then on it was like living in Mid-evil Times as the winters made my business slow and I had to fill in the gaps with whatever I could. Then the insults and charactor assinations on me became a continuious thing and finding it harder to backdown from to much resulted in many a fight that never seemed to end. I hadn't had a drink in several years and if not for my friends & support I would have done it in a blink of an eye at times.
We finally decide to make the move I wanted to 7 years before and since that time she had been caught by me shaking the baby, found clumps of my childs hair on the floor when i got home, been fired or quit so many jobs I can't even count, stolen family funds and pawned heirlooms behind my back, and relapsed into drinking binges that cost in so many ways if you can try to imagine. (She is a nasty drunk who thinks she has witchcraft powers that would catch us by surprise and the kids would see.) And the struggle to get her to therapy was another thing all in itself.
As time went on we moved and eventually got a home. Now the pressure was on me from her to marry and I wouldn't until she met some very praticle commitments such as getting therapy, getting a steady job, staying sober, and repairing her own bad credit which she had abused before I ever met her. There werwe also some others, but what is important is she did none of this and her friends from AA backed her up in her telling me that I am the one to do this and we had a son on the way. As time went on, I finally got my leg looked at and wouldn't you know, that when we were very short on money ( & even had child care set up) she refused to work and even turned down jobs that had called her to start immediately. Now would anybody marry this?
It would take to long to tell the rest of it and I can assure you it got much worse. But if it weren't for a couple of good friends, my own common sence, and my family to support me, I listened, didn't marry, and thank God I didn't put the house in her name either.
The lesson here for me; Pretty packages can be sometimes very dangerous!!! Because I didn't break it and though I tried, I couldn't fix it either. And as time went on she proved to be an unfit mother, misrepresented herself to me as a responsible person, and most of all an abuser to her own children like I saw, Dr. Phil, have a recent program on a month ago. Now the ongoing problems have to do with the safety of our children because of her past and present abuses that she denies and thinks nobody can tell she's lying thru her teeth. And that is another topic.
